Do not ask for whom the bell tolls.

My Aunt Dora died in the nursing home this morning. 

If she'd been in a kennel, she would have gotten better care.

Neglect.  Humiliation.  Outright abuse.  A cousin with power of attorney a thousand miles away and no desire to pick up the phone.

They often say that falling is the beginning of the end.  I am saying it didn't have to be.  Not this time.  

Not if the home had actually done the rehabilitation they claimed. 

If they had helped her up when she needed to go. 

If they hadn't strapped her into a wheelchair when she resorted to trying to get to the bathroom herself.  Strapped into a wheelchair.  Left sitting up all night.  Sometimes for 24 hours at a time.    

I think of one visit, 2 weeks ago.  I made the turn into her hallway and caught two aides and the nurse making jokes and laughing at her desperation to get out of the chair. 

When she finally wiggled out from under the wheel chair restraint, they took to sedating her, "for behavior issues."  Sedatives so strong she wasn't able to wake up enough to eat or drink. 

After a week with almost no nourishment or hydration, a stroke. 

A visiting friend texted photos.  Matt and I drove down to Vero in the night.  We are told by the night nurse, "No, that wasn't no stroke."  When asked to explain the left side paralysis and lack of speech, the nurse said, "She jus' tired, that's all.  She been up in that wheelchair 24 hours." 

This was the system, and my aunt, as tenacious as she was, finally succumbed.  She didn't give up easily.  Actually she never gave up.  She tried to talk, but couldn't.  She tried to swallow but couldn't.  But she still kept trying.  Until she couldn't.

Ever wonder how long  it takes for an immobilized 95 lb woman to dehydrate and starve to death? 

About a week.

So.  Have you thought about the future?  How well do you really know your children?   If they don't listen to you now, they aren't going to listen once you are helpless.  And they probably won't listen to their cousins either.

I trust my daughter completely, but just there's no trusting a system that merely warehouses human beings. 

It's a lot to think about.  So far, I have no good ideas.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking maybe it's time to start saying yes to an ice cream or some cake once in a while.  Or a sunny day calling from beyond the window.  Go places.  Do stuff.  Say yes.  As much as you can.

If nothing else, have great outdoor stories to tell, when they won't let you outdoors anymore.